CELL PHONES & DATING...

OK- so I think it's fair to say that I am officially slightly afraid of using my cell phone after reading this article about a man being electrocuted and this article about a man's cell phone battery exploding and killing him...

I ONLY have a cell phone and completely random things happen to me, so I'm a little concerned.

Also, I have a date. I hate dates. HATE. DATES. Seriously. I don't even know why I said yes, and I am fairly sure he doesn't know about this blog, although if he did it might get me off the hook. So, yeah. I am not excited about this event, which I believe is taking place on Friday or Saturday night. I am sure something completely random will happen, so at least I'll have something to blog about.

The last date I went on was horrible... and by horrible I mean outright awful. This is why I don't date. I cannot stand that whole first date dinner where you're all nervous and have nothing to say, followed by the movie where you just sit there thankful you don't have to talk anymore. And y'all know how much I LOVE to talk, so it has to be bad when that's the last thing I want to do. When you are actually dating someone the dinner and a movie date is great, but it's just SO uncomfortable until then. I much prefer the "going to the sports bar" date where you can drink and loosen up a bit, and if you have nothing to talk about there's always a game on one of the 4, 000 TV's and beer. There's always beer.

While I am on the topic, I feel the need to tell you about the worst date I have ever had. Everyone has a story about that date, and I might as well share mine.

We're taking a trip back to 1994 on this one. My sophomore year at UT. My Big Sister in my Sorority was dating a boy from a Fraternity and his Little Brother apparently asked her about me and you know how the rest goes. So, I accept his offer and we decide to go see "The Client". This is important only because I HATE this movie as a result, and it's why I remember Brad Renfro, may he rest in peace. It's not his fault this date was terrible.

So, anyway, he asks if I can come pick him up because he had been drinking a little bit prior to this date. He said it was because he was nervous, which I actually understood since I was all over the dating scene in college and usually just stopped taking calls from boys if they blew it on the first date... which they usually did. I was a little bitchy. I admit it.

So, I go pick him up and we go to the movies. Within the first 10 minutes of this 3 hour movie he grabbed my hand and held it. Okay- this is a big no-no in my book considering it was the first date we had ever had. I LOVE hand holding, but not on the first date when I barely know you. And it's not like I could just drop his hand. I wasn't that bitchy. So I sat in uncomfortable hand-holding silence for the remainder of the 3 hour movie.

Afterwards, I needed a drink, and we decided to go to my apartment and have a few beers before attending a party at his Fraternity House. We were barely there a half an hour when he excused himself to go to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, he blew his nose and it sounded like a damn freight train, as he had left the door open. When he came back in he had the largest booger I have ever seen on the top of his nose. The very top. I almost threw up. But he beat me to it. About 15 minutes after his nose blowing he excused himself again and I heard him throw up in the bathroom.

Now at this point I am on the phone whispering to my friends (you know who you are!!) BEGGING them to come to my rescue and just show up at my apartment. I wouldn't just say begging. It was more like PLEADING. No one would take the bait (again you know who you are!!!) because I think they just wanted to see how this would turn out. I was known for funny stories, so I can't blame them really. Upon emerging from my bathroom, now filled with yucky boy snot and throw up, he said he needed to lay down on the couch. This was FINE with me since I figured there was a 50/50 shot of him falling asleep. Mind you, he was NOT at all intoxicated. This was apparently just his first date etiquette. Sadly, he never slept and after a few miserable hours that I gladly filled with bud light it was time for the Frat Party. There was no way out of it since I had driven.

Once there, I was a happy, happy camper. Other people, alcohol, music... all was well. I was chatting with a guy friend for a few minutes when my "date" suddenly and VERY loudly announced that my guy FRIEND was trying to steal his girlfriend. Girlfriend? GIRLFRIEND. I was mortified and walked out to go home. Instead of going alone as I had anticipated I was followed by a crowd, led by my date.

Once outside I got in my car, and this guy actually layed down in the middle of the road in Fraternity Row screaming that he would not get up until I talked to him. This drew attention from other people NOT just in this Fraternity. And he screamed my name over and over again so there was nowhere for me to hide. I'm not sure how or why he got up because I wasn't budging from my car. I just remember being thrilled that it was over. I saw him numerous times over the years and this was never discussed again. Although I can still see that booger to this day.

A few months after this oh-so-fun event, I went to All-Sing with a guy from another Fraternity. It really wasn't going anywhere or anything, but on the way back to the house he stopped by his apartment to get a Ziploc bag full of mushrooms. I was very naive at the time, and actually thought they were just mushrooms that you can get at the grocery store. I will not elaborate. This Fraternity had just won All-Sing so there was a major party going on there. I was having fun hanging out with my friends and hadn't seen my date for awhile when someone came up to me and said "Your date just got arrested for doing doughnuts in his car on the Inter-Mural field". That was fun too. Almost beats the first story, except the booger incident alone makes that one come in at Numero Uno.

I am not quite sure why I continued to date Fraternity Boys, but I did. No offense to the one I dated for 6 years. That was actually a bright spot (see HH... I write nice things in my blog about you!!). :-)

Anywho, I've decided that my dating life can be summed up by either this song...



Or this one...



Good times. Good times.

All of you reading this who are done with your dating lives, be thankful, and know that after each date I have I will provide you with humor to remind you of this...

Much Love To You All!!!

xoxo,
dreading this date baxter