HI MY NAME IS ALYSON...

AND I MIGHT BE SLIGHTLY RETARDED.

Okay, so I felt the need to blog about several incidents that occurred tonight within a very short period of time. VERY. RANDOM. THINGS.

First of all, I have completely fallen off the diet wagon. I really think I will get back on it, but there's only so much of "tomorrow is another day" before it just gets ridiculous. I mean today was a new day, and yesterday was too, etc. etc... So that's out there now. I confess.

So I definitely decided to cheat tonight although it was the only time I ate today, and I ordered a cheeseburger from Outback Steakhouse. Thank GOD for curbside takeaway.

Well on the way to satisfy my cheating self, I hit something with my car and it sounded really loud. In the event you went to high school with me, you might remember the time I ALMOST hit a squirrel on the way to school and was so hysterical by the time I arrived that the Assistant Principal Mr. Dean sent me home with an excused absence. Mind you, I DID NOT actually hit the squirrel.

I don't handle hitting things well. I am constantly thinking that I have just killed someone's beloved animal (that shouldn't be running around loose outside anyways) and that some child is going to be devastated because of me. And I have NEVER actually hit an animal, but it's always in the back of my mind that it could happen.

So I was absolutely for sure that I had just run over someone's pet, and I parked in the closest driveway in sight and ran around trying to find it. It was dark. It was raining. It was super windy. I was crying. Really crying. I couldn't find anything. I heard no whimpering, no rustling, no nothing. SHEER SILENCE. Except for my muffled crying, of course. I turned around baffled thinking I would come back and check again for any signs of life from the animal I could not find that I probably just maimed. As I reached my car I happened to pass by the front of my vehicle and what did I find that I had indeed hit with such fury???

A BRANCH

Yep. That's right. A Branch full of leaves. And it wasn't even a big branch.

I figured this was karma for the whole cheating thing, so I decided during my food pick-up wait time to drop by the grocery store and buy some healthy alternatives to start anew tomorrow. No sooner did I have my favorite water in the whole world, and my weight watchers yogurt in my basket heading towards the self checkout lane did I stop for one very brief moment to look at magazines on a standing rack near the front of the store. At this exact moment the automatic doors opened and the wind knocked over not just the magazine rack I was standing at, but every single standing rack within 10 feet of me. And of course I was the only one standing there, so it looked like I had gone into a rage and ripped the store apart. While the two cashiers standing nearby knew that it obviously wasn't my fault every other customer in the Grocery Store who came to look at the ruckus taking place surely thought I was responsible, since I literally had packs of sweet tarts clinging to my sweater. It takes a lot, and I mean A LOT for me to get seriously embarrassed, but it's more than fair to say this experience definitely passed that test.

I came home and watched American Idol and it occurred to me with all this political stuff going on I haven't given any significant AI commentary lately. So, I definitely do not remember any of the contestants since my last Idol post, but I do remember last night and tonight. Last night the girl whose name I believe was Asia made me bawl my eyes out. She was the one who had just lost her Dad. And then the last guy who was from Morristown with his big heavy Tennessee accent?? I really hoped he would do well after the whole homeless and living in a car thing, and especially because he is from a town 40 minutes away from here, but WTF was up with that singing in a British accent???? I am still perplexed at this very moment. I am thinking that he may have had a consult with Britney before this performance to ensure he had his accent down pat.

And then tonight I just LOVED that guy whose name I can't pronounce who came back after not making it last year. I also liked the last guy too who came back after last year... the skinny kid who sang "Rollin' on the River"... although I have some really serious concerns that he may become this years' Sanjaya. And GOD knows there could be nothing worse than that.

On the Britney front, I really cannot believe she got released from the hospital today. She REALLY needed those 14 extra days in that hospital and I don't know who in the world allowed her release, but if it was her Psychiatrist than she is going to have some Professional issues on her hands if something happens. I have worked as a Social Worker with a SIGNIFICANTLY large (easily 200-ish?) amount of people with bipolar disorder and the worst thing about it is that it is totally treatable. Why this is a problem is because while treatable and manageable for the rest of their lives, the biggest issue with people who have bipolar disorder is that the second they stabilize on their meds (which normally takes a minimum of 2 weeks) and are feeling normal again they tend to go off their medicine thinking it's no longer necessary since they feel fine. There is absolutely NO WAY that Britney was stabilized AT ALL during her brief hospital stay and now she is on the loose again with the Paparazzi ALL OVER HER ALL OF THE TIME. I am genuinely concerned that she might die. I certainly hope this is not the case, but she is in really serious trouble. She desperately needs to be in treatment and that treatment needs to be inpatient and long-term. I wish the best for her and her family because they need it.

On a much lighter note, I saw on the news mid-day today that Howard Dean, the Democratic National Committee Chairman said that if the race for the Democratic Nomination goes all the way to the Convention without a winner that he will sit down in a room with both Candidates and basically make one of them concede defeat, without actually being defeated. Hmmm... Wonder who Howard will choose to give in? The Clintons?? Nahhh... My bet is on Obama. And if that happens you can guarantee a Republican win in November. Talk about making people feel like their votes don't count!! Actually you can probably guarantee a Republican win in November if Hillary genuinely wins the Nomination to begin with.

Mere moments after seeing this news report about Howard Dean’s plans I received an e-mail from the DNC urging me to donate to them so that the Democrats can beat John McCain in November. Yes, they actually went ahead and named him as the nominee. I, of course, shot back a fiery e-mail response to the DNC saying what I would and would not do and under what circumstances I would do them under. I'm so sure Mr. Dean got my e-mail. I'm even surer that he cares. In the meantime, I will just continue to give my $10 a month to Barack Obama's campaign. At least they repeatedly thank me for my donation and I know that it's because of millions of small donors like me that he is able to raise so much money for his campaign. I did this last night and felt overwhelmed with pride when the news broke today that he had raised $4 million dollars just since the polls closed yesterday. And just as I checked this to provide a link, that total is now up to $6.5 Million Dollars!! W.O.W.

In other news, Hillary announced today that she had to loan $5 million dollars of her own money and get her Staff to work for free for at least a month in order to compete with Obama's grassroots fundraising capabilities. Guess that's what happens when you get so much of your original donations from Political Action Committees and Lobbyists, who expect something from you in return, instead of getting donations from everyday people.

Either that or she has heavily invested in buying out all of the Shirts and Blazers in every possible shade of yellow in this country...







Is it just me or was that not a very wise decision???

I just don't think she is a "Summer". I would love to get Tim Gunn's off the record commentary on her wardrobe. Seriously.

Anyway, so I have a job interview tomorrow at a Funeral Home to be a Counselor which I have been informed by a friend who works for the Parent Organization of this business, is actually an outside sales position?? That sounds a bit dicey to me, but wish me luck anyways!!

Have a Good One!!!
baxter

PS- CHECK OUT THIS FABULOUSLY INTELLIGENT AND FUN BLOG FROM A LOCAL TRI-CITIES BLOGGER I RECENTLY DISCOVERED!!

PSS- GOD love Johnson City. I was recently informed by TriCitiesNights.com that the infamous Chris Crocker, of “Leave Britney Alone” fame came here to celebrate Mardi Gras at New Beginnings Bar, which is a lot like the Carousel in Knoxville. You think I’m joking right?? Check the proof…




Jealous aren’t you. Don’t lie!!

PSSS- Survivor starts tomorrow night!! HOORAY!!! :-)

TOTALLY RANDOM

So the weirdest thing happened tonight. I was watching Friday Night Lights, as usual, and suddenly on the screen there was a guy I went to High School with guest starring as the Christian Counselor Radio Host. He's been in other things, and had a regular role on Gilmore Girls for the last few seasons before it ended. He played Logan for those of you that watched the show. I personally couldn't bring myself to watch it. Anyway, this guy's name is Matt Czuchry, and he graduated from Science Hill High School in 1995. I graduated in 1993, but of course Matt dated a good friend of mine at the time when we were Juniors and he was a Freshman. Now they have the campuses separated into 2 parts, grades 8-10 and then the main campus has 11-12. When I was there, of course it was a super-crowded 9-12 campus.


Anywho... he was a really nice guy then, and I saw him at Starbucks over Christmas but was in my car at the drive-thru when he was walking inside. Wonder if he'd remember me now that he's famous?? Apparently he still stays in touch with a lot of high school friends as I have seen numerous pictures of him as a Groomsman in their weddings. Also, his parents still live here, and he comes home for all the holidays, and even went to his 1o year High School reunion. My best friend Angie's little brother was at the reunion with him, and of course everyone there had been drinking and her brother thought it would be funny if he had Matt call their little sister, who was 15 at the time. Needless to say, she was mortified at this gesture, as suddenly a boy on a TV show she watched who she thought was cute was on the phone with her.


Speaking of my High School, surely everyone here is aware that Steve Spurrier graduated from here, two years before my Dad. They both played football and my Dad said he was an ass then as much as he is an ass now. Dad's pretty good at character judgements, by the way!


Also speaking of celebrity connections to Johnson City, a really good friend of mine from High School who I also went to Elementary School with got married last year and her first cousin Rachel Bilson did a reading at the ceremony. I wasn't there, as we had lost touch over the years, but I found that crazy. My friend Ali told me that nobody knew who she was, which I find even more ironic.


Side Note: When I was found the link to my Elementary School, I could have died because the woman on the main page reading to the kids was my Music Teacher Miss Fredericks... and I was actually sitting in her class when we got dismissed for snow the day the Challenger exploded! Shouldn't she be retired by now???


Al Capone has always been rumored to have had a hideaway in an apartment complex across the street from my Elementary School. I just learned that the story is actually included in the Wikipedia entry on Johnson City... Random.


Who knew I was from such a star-studded community! I can feel the envy coming right through the computer right now!! Ha Ha :-)


The Nevada Caucuses are tomorrow and I am going to try and sleep tonight with my fingers crossed!! Sad, I know!!


Talk Soon!
xoxo,
baxter

Winter Wonderland

Sorry I am late for my morning blog session but there is currently a winter storm that has caused all schools, even ETSU to close in Johnson City, and this certainly brings about chaos as it NEVER happens. I can count on one hand how many times snow got me out of school during K-12, even though I shouldn't be able to.

And the only time I remember ETSU closing was during the Blizzard of 1997- and people literally did not have power for weeks. My Dad had to come pick me & my friends up for rescue so we could take a shower, since they had power and we did not. Regardless, something woke me up this morning and I went downstairs to go get some water and looked outside randomly to discover that it was really blizzard-like snow coming down. Since this was the first, and probably the last time I can remember snow like this, I woke the dogs from their snoring slumber so they could play in it for a few minutes. There really hasn't been any snow since I got Nelson when I was living in Hickory, NC and I am not sure he had ever seen it snowing before. He was literally attacking each snowflake as if they were individually provoking him to play. It was hilarious. I would have gotten it on camera, but my cell phone was upstairs. I wondered what it would look like this morning and it wasn't quite the "stop everything snowstorm" I had hoped for. It did however, bring about 1 mph traffic, people braking every 0.02 seconds and really bad traffic only near the grocery stores, as people here react to snow as if this is "the big one" every time they even call for it... much less when it actually happens! Last night my mother made me promise I would go to the grocery store to "stock up" since surely I would be snowed in for days. I obliged but only because I was out of dog food and knew she wouldn't let up until she literally heard the grocery store in the background while speaking to me. She is one of the people I mentioned above... GOD love her.

I would like to add that while looking this storm up for a link, I found this. Only in the Tri-Cities can you have a car pile-up in a bar parking lot.

American Idol was officially the most "Too Much Information" show I have ever seen them do last night. For the first few minutes I wondered if somehow the dogs switched the channel to A & E Intervention. First up blondie provided WAY more than I needed to know about her Meth use, and to make matters worse her name was Jessica. Then there was "I'm Saving My First Kiss Until My Wedding Day" guy whose Dad wore the key locket that matched his "Heart Without a Key" locket, to be given to his wife on their wedding day? All I could think was that this poor kid just ensured the fact that he will now never be kissed, as that falls into creepshow Dad-World, where Joe Simpson lives. Things had settled down and I made a Lean Cuisine Spaghetti- even though I was over my points due to Orange Juice. I was approximately 3 bites in when "Peel Your Nails and Put Them In a Baggie to Save for Later" guy took the stage, and I almost threw up. It still makes me kind of nauseous thinking about it today. Needless to say, I threw out my food and didn't actually go over my points after all. At least that was good.

In Are you serious news, I finally watched the Tom Cruise Scientology Videos last night, and if this isn't a cult I don't know what is! The L. Ron Hubbard salute at the end put me over the edge on that one! Seriously, TMZ has them but I don't know how long since The Church of Scientology has sent a cease & desist order. I do so hope that if I have a fender bender anytime in the near future that a Scientologist comes along, since they are the only ones who can truly help me out in this situation.

No wonder Katie Holmes is looking like this these days...

In are you EVEN serious news, I was going to lay off Britney for awhile, but I now I can't. I even stopped myself yesterday when I wanted to say that her boyfriend looks like a 40 year old member of Menudo, and I didn't even comment on the fact that the man wore light blue denim and dark blue denim TOGETHER for one of their outings, or how her hair weave is making her look homeless! Then I saw this story last night and all bets were off. I no longer think that she is as crazy as I did before, I think she's playing this for all it's worth. Do I think Britney was shopping for pregnancy tests because she might be pregnant?? NO. I find it ironic that the only Photog who was even there works for her boyfriends Paparazzi Agency and had been tipped off that they were going to be there. Also ironic, was that Britney would look at these tests like she had never seen one before RIGHT in front of the window so that this moment could be captured on film. I don't buy one second of this little act, and find it pathetic. I think the wedding dress + this ridiculous outing are all truly pathetic attempts to somehow get back at K-Fed. I wonder how much of all the rest of this Britney's Gone Mad business is actually real now. Don't get me wrong, I still think she's absolutely Coo Coo, but I think she's also playing it up for the Paps and even profiting from some of their pictures.

When I read this story it made me physically ill, as if you actually have enough money to go into Betsey Johnson, you do not behave like THIS!!! GROSS :(

Also, I read last night that Eddie Murphy & his wife of 2 weeks, Tracey Edmonds are splitting up. I would follow this up with a remark if I cared at all.

In relatively normal news, I saw that Jenna Bush is getting married in May. I saw her on Ellen and some other shows when she was promoting her book and thought she was precious! How is it I can dislike her father so much but find her so likable??

I got nothing else for y'all this morning. If I suddenly become funny today or something funny happens I will be back so I can make up for this lame post. I would love to say that it's because there is some sort of snow plow outside in the parking lot that sounds like nails going down a chalkboard, or that perhaps the fact that I have a hole in my sock may be to blame, but I think I am just having an Un-Fabulous morning...

HAPPY WEDNESDAY LOVIES!!

xoxo, baxter