SNOOZE-FEST 2008

ARE THE OSCARS STILL ON?? BECAUSE I AM PRETTY SURE YOU COULD STILL FLIP BACK TO ABC AND THEY WOULD STILL BE AIRING LIVE. WHAT A LONG AND TOTALLY BLAND NIGHT!

THE OSCARS SUCKED.

EXCEPT JON STEWART. HE WAS FABULOUS! THE FASHION WAS COMPLETELY BORING. MORE BORING THAN I MIGHT HAVE EVER SEEN AT ANY OSCAR AWARDS SHOW. AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I HAVE WATCHED THEM ALL.

FRIENDS I PRESENT TO YOU THE VERY BEST DRESSED FEMALE:



KATHERINE HEIGL. I ACTUALLY SAID "THANK GOD" OUT LOUD WHEN I SAW HER BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE LOOKED SO BLAH.

AND THE WORST DRESSED FEMALE.



THE WIFE OF DANIEL DAY-LEWIS. SERIOUSLY, SHE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO WIN AND THAT SHE WOULD BE ON CAMERA. IF SHE WAS TRYING TO MAKE A STATEMENT SHE DID. IT READS "I HAVE NO STYLIST AND WAS ON DRUGS WHEN I DECIDED THIS WAS MY OSCARS DRESS."

AND BY THE WAY, HER HUBBY LOOKS AWFUL AS WELL. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE...

BEST DRESSED MALE. TOUGH CATEGORY FOLKS. I REALIZE THEY ARE ALL BASICALLY WEARING TUXEDO'S BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT THAT SOME JUST PULL THIS OFF BETTER THAN OTHERS. AND HONESTLY, BESIDES KATHERINE HEIGL, THE GUYS FAR OUTSHONE THE WOMEN LAST NIGHT.

CLOONEY. LIKE I WASN'T GOING TO PICK HIM?? LOOK AT HIM!!



McDREAMY. HE LIVED UP TO HIS TITLE AND THEN SOME.



I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ADD THAT McDREAMY'S WIFE MADE MY BEST DRESSED LIST. SHE LOOKS AWESOME AND I ADORE THE COLOR OF HER DRESS. IT WAS THE KIND OF DRESS I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE MORE OF LAST NIGHT.



NOW FOR THE IN-BETWEENS.

THE REMAINDER OF MY BEST DRESSED LIST:

CAMERON DIAZ



SHE CAN PULL ANYTHING OFF. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

JENNIFER GARNER



SHE'S STUNNING. I LOVE THE WHOLE LOOK. ONLY THING MISSING WAS BEN, AND WE ALL KNOW HE WAS BUSY F***ING JIMMY KIMMEL.

JASON BATEMAN



TEEN WOLF LIVES ON IN STYLE BABY!!!

FORREST WHITAKER AND WIFE



WOW. THEY ARE VERY, VERY CLASSY COUPLE!

CASEY AFFLECK



THOUGHT HE LOOKED GREAT!! MANY MAY DISAGREE BUT THOSE AFFLECK'S ARE HOT!!

PENELOPE CRUZ



I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT HER CLAIM TO FAME IS HER BEAUTY, AS HER ACTING REALLY SUCKS. SHE PROVED ME RIGHT LAST NIGHT.

AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE ARE THE WTF'S...

RYAN SEACREST



I COULDN'T FIND A PICTURE, SO I THOUGHT I WOULD JUST INCORPORATE SEACREST'S TERRIBLE FASHION CHOICE WITH MY FAVORITE OSCAR MOMENT OF THE NIGHT. THE GARY BUSEY ATTACK. GOD LOVE JENNIFER GARNER. SHE LOOKS TERRIFIED.

MARION COTILLARD



I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS WOMAN IS OR HOW THE HELL YOU PRONOUNCE THE NAME OF HER MOVIE. I ALSO HAVE NO IDEA HOW SHE WON THE OSCAR BUT SHE LOOKED SO HAPPY WHEN SHE DID. IT WAS THE ONLY NICE MOMENT OF THE NIGHT FOR HER THOUGH, AS SHE HAD TO IMMEDIATELY LEAVE THE CEREMONY AFTERWARDS TO GET UP EARLY TODAY AND FILM "SPLASH II".

TILDA WHO CARES WHAT HER LAST NAME IS SHE SCARES ME...



I MEAN SERIOUSLY. SHE SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

CATE BLANCHETT



CATE HONEY. YOU ARE 0 FOR 2 SO FAR AND THERE ARE NO MORE AWARD SHOWS LEFT. GUESS YOU BETTER GET BACK TO FILMING ANOTHER MOVIE ABOUT ELIZABETH TO ENSURE YOUR SEAT AT NEXT YEARS OSCARS. BECAUSE REALLY... WHO CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THOSE ELIZABETH MOVIES??!!

CLOONEYS DATE



THIS GIRL HAS HIT THE FREAKING JACKPOT. SHE'S WITH CLOONEY. NOBODY KNOWS WHY. AND THIS IS WHAT SHE WEARS TO THE OSCARS?? HER EASTER DRESS?? G.A.G.

HELEN MIRREN



I'M SORRY YOUR HIENESS BUT THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS OUTFIT. OFF WITH HER HEAD!

JENNIFER HUDSON



SO J HUD CLEARLY HAS NO IDEA HOW TO DO THE OSCARS. THIS ISN'T AS BAD AS LAST YEARS BUT IT'S CLOSE. I CRINGED WHEN I SAW IT. SERIOUSLY.

OTHER NOTABLES:

HEIDI KLUM IS FABULOUS BY DAY



AND REDRACULA BY NIGHT



MILEY CYRUS



1. WHY WAS SHE AT THE OSCARS AGAIN??
2. DID I MISS THE PICS OF HER 40TH BIRTHDAY PARTY IN US WEEKLY??

KERI RUSSELL



EITHER WEAR YOUR FELICITY HAIR DOWN OR WEAR A DRESS THAT DOESN'T MATCH YOUR SKIN. AND FOR GOD SAKES KERI, STAND UP STRAIGHT.

VIGGO MOUNTAIN MAN MORTENSON



DUDE. SHAVE. IT'S THE DAMN OSCARS.

KRISTEN CHENOWITH



IS THERE ANYONE CUTER THAN HER IN THE WHOLE WORLD?? SO WHY GOD WHY MUST SHE WEAR A DRESS THAT MAKES HER MIDSECTION LOOK BIGGER THAN THAN HER ENTIRE BEING??

TRAVOLTA/PRESTON



THE SCIENTOLOGISTS MADE THEM DO THIS. YUCK.

WHILE WE ARE ON THE TOPIC OF THE OSCARS I FEEL IT NECESSARY TO SHOW YOU MY FAVORITE OSCAR DRESS OF ALL TIME. NOTHING WILL EVER BEAT IT. PLUS IT'S WORN BY MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE CELEBRITY.




SERIOUSLY. SHE SHOULD TEACH A CLASS IN THIS SHIT.

SORRY MY OSCAR COMMENTARY IS NOT AS FUNNY AS MY GRAMMY OR SAG AWARDS COMMENTARY BUT IF YOU ACTUALLY WATCHED THIS EVENT LAST NIGHT, YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY I'M JUST NOT FEELIN' IT THIS YEAR...

IN OTHER NEWS THERE IS A SMALL POSSIBILITY I AM IN LOVE WITH ALEX FROM BIG BROTHER 9...



XOXO,
BAXTER

PS- ANGELINA JOLIE IS SINGLE-HANDEDLY REPOPULATING THE EARTH...

THE GOOD THE BAD THE UGLY...

OKAY, THIS BLOG IS TWO DAYS PAST DUE… HERE’S WHY.

1. I THOUGHT I POSTED THIS MONDAY AND APPARENTLY SAVED IT IN DRAFTS INSTEAD.
2. MY LAPTOP BATTERY DIED AND I HAD TO REPLACE IT. FUN STUFF. IT COSTS APPROXIMATELY $200 TO GET THAT FIXED BY THE WAY. REAL HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
3. I HAVE AN ELECTION TO WIN HERE, PEOPLE!! ONE CANNOT BE BOTHERED WITH A DAILY BLOG WHILE ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL!! :-)

ANYWAY, I GOT SOME FLACK FOR MY DAILY BLOG SLACKING FROM A FEW PEOPLE, INCLUDING MY FRIEND AMY… WHO LOVES THE DALLAS COWBOYS. SO AMY, THIS IS FOR YOU.



LEGENDARY DALLAS COWBOYS COACH JIMMY JOHNSON, OBVIOUSLY AT HIS FINEST. AND DOING IT IN STYLE FOR AMY :-)

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO HERE IS MONDAY’S BLOG, NOT POSTED UNTIL TODAY FEB. 13TH… MY BAD.

THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY PEOPLE.

IT’S THE GRAMMY BLOG!!

SO, I COULDN'T BLOG AT WORK TODAY BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY, THOUGH I HAVE BEEN DYING TO EVER SINCE THE GRAMMY'S LAST NIGHT. I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THEY WERE ON LAST NIGHT UNTIL I SWITCHED IT TO E! AND THEY WERE LIVE FROM THE RED CARPET, WHICH WE ALL KNOW IS MY VERY VERY FAVORITE TO PLACE TO BE...

FRIENDS I PRESENT TO YOU THE GOOD:

FERGIE



FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN ALYSON'S RED CARPET HALL OF FAME, FERGIE DOESN'T JUST MAKE MY LIST BUT SHE TOPS IT. HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THIS YELLOW!! AND I JUST HEARD THIS RUMOR THAT SHE IS PREGGO?? IF SO, SHE SURE HID IT WELL!!!

LUDACRIS



WHO WOULD HAVE EVER THUNK OLD LUDA WOULD HAVE EVER TOPPED MY BEST DRESSED GUYS LIST. BUT HE DID THIS YEAR. HE'S A HOTTIE!

CARRIE UNDERWOOD



A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE ON THE FENCE WITH THIS ONE, BUT I THOUGHT SHE LOOKED ELEGANT AND CLASSY.

JAY Z



99 PROBLEMS AND THE WARDROBE AINT ONE. HE'S A BADASS.

JOHN LEGEND



DAMN.

NE-YO



HE LOOKED SUPA-FAB!! ALTHOUGH WHEN I HEARD DEBBIE MATENOPOULOS FROM E! SAY THAT HIS DESIGNER OUTFIT WAS ACCESSORIZED WITH SUNGLASSES FROM BANANA REPUBLIC, TO WHICH SHE SAID WAS “LOW-ENDING IT” I WANTED TO THROW SOMETHING AT HER. MUST BE NICE WHEN YOU LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE BANANA REPUBLIC IS CONSIDERED “LOW-END”.

TAYLOR SWIFT



I LOVED THIS DRESS AND THOUGHT IT WAS VERY AGE APPROPRIATE AND PRETTY ON THE YOUNG MISS SWIFT.

FAITH & TIM



YOU CAN'T REALLY GO WRONG WITH THESE TWO. EVER.

ALICIA KEYS ONSTAGE



WHY CAN SHE NOT DRESS LIKE THIS ON THE RED CARPET??? SHE'S BEAUTIFUL AND LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF SHE WOULD DRESS HER AGE ON THE RED CARPET... IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK??!! PLEASE ALICIA, FOR MY SAKE!!

NATASHA BEDINGFIELD



LOVE LOVE LOVE THE DRESS AND HAIR BUT SHE ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT DUE TO THE SCARLETT JOHANSSON COPYCAT EFFECT.

RIHANNA FROM THE WAIST UP...



SHE'S GORGEOUS AND THIS COLOR BLUE JUST HIGHLIGHTS HER BEAUTY...

THE BAD

RIHANNA FROM THE WAIST DOWN



DUDE, WTF IS WITH THE BOTTOM OF THIS DRESS. I FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY JUST FREAKED OUT AND THREW A BUNCH OF TULLE TOGETHER AND GAVE IT TO RIHANNA. SADLY THAT PERSON IS ZAC POSEN, WHO I LOVE. HE WENT WAY WRONG WITH THIS ONE THOUGH. NO EXCUSES.

SEAL



GUESSING HEIDI WAS OUT OF TOWN AND HE THOUGHT THE WRINKLED, VELCRO LOOK WAS HIS BEST OPTION. SEAL IS USUALLY ONE OF THE BEST OUT THERE SO I WAS A BIT SADDENED BY THIS CHOICE.

FANTASIA BARINO




WORDS CANNOT ADEQUATELY EXPRESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS HAIR/DRESS ENSEMBLE. IT IS ALL KINDS OF WRONG.

BEYONCE



THIS IS LIKE A MORE EXPENSIVE AND AMPED UP VERSION OF MY JUNIOR PROM DRESS...

ALICIA KEYS



THE SECOND I SAW THIS I KNEW ALICIA HAD BROKEN INTO MY CLOSET AND STOLEN ONE OF MY 17 BRIDESMAID DRESSES. BITCH.

AKON



HE WOULD HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN IN THE GOOD COLUMN IF HE HADN'T WORN FUR :-(

FUR KILLS.
I FEEL VERY STRONGY ABOUT THIS.

NELLY FURTADO



IF YOU ARE INDEED NELLY, WHICH I DOUBT DUE TO THE BAD BLONDE DYE-JOB, THAN I THINK SOMEONE SHOULD STOP YOU FROM EVER WEARING YOUR DRAPERIES TO A MAJOR EVENT AGAIN.

THE UGLY

CHRIS BROWN

LOVE HIM. BUT I AM PRETTY SURE YOU COULD RENT THIS WHITE/RED COMBO AT THE LOCAL DAVID'S BRIDAL ALTHOUGH YOU MAY HAVE TO FIGHT SOME PROM-GOING-PRE-TEEN FOR IT.



I’D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEONE WHO CAN PULL THE WHITE/RED COMBO OFF…



CHRIS MEET PRINCE. PRINCE MEET CHRIS. AND, OF COURSE YOU ARE WELCOME FOR THIS INTRODUCTION BOYS!!

BAI LING (WITHOUT THE SPACE THAT’S BAILING. APPROPRIATE)



WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER?? EVERYTIME I SEE HER SHE DRESSES WORSE THAN THE TIME I SAW HER BEFORE. IS THERE NOBODY THAT CARES ABOUT THIS WOMAN ENOUGH TO MONITOR HER CLOTHING CHOICES?? AND WHY IS SHE FAMOUS ANYWAY???

COME TO THINK OF IT, AND COMPLETELY OFF-TOPIC, BUT WHY IS JESSICA SIMPSON STILL FAMOUS??? CAN'T SHE JUST GO AWAY ALREADY??? I FEEL LIKE SHE IS A COLD THAT I'VE HAD FOR THREE YEARS BUT JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET RID OF.

CHER



THIS JUST IN: CHER’S STYLIST WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND GRAMMY NIGHT, SO SHE WAS FORCED TO THROW HER OUTFIT TOGETHER ON HER OWN AND THE ONLY MATERIALS SHE HAD AVAILABLE WERE TRASHBAGS…

YOKO OH GOOD GOD NO!!



NEED I SAY ANYTHING HERE?? SERIOUSLY.

KELIS



HER MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD AND THEY'RE LIKE DAMN GIRL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING!!

CHRIS DAUGHTRYS WIFE



HONEY, YOU ARE SUCH A PRETTY GIRL. AND YOU HAVE MONEY NOW. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET YOUR FORMAL WEAR FROM RAVE ANYMORE.

ACE YOUNG



HE SEEMS GENUINELY ALRIGHT AND ALMOST GLEEFUL ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE FORGOT HIS DRESS CLOTHES AT HOME AND HAD TO WEAR HIS GYM CLOTHES TO THE GRAMMY’S INSTEAD. NICE ATTITUDE ACE.

JOSH GROBAN



WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??? I CAN ALMOST HEAR THE MIAMI VICE THEME SONG RIGHT NOW.

BROOKE HOGAN



I THINK SHE GOT THE PURPLE MEMO AND HEADED THE WRONG DIRECTION WITH IT.

KANYE IS IN A CLASS ALL HIS OWN. IT’S NOT GOOD. IT’S NOT BAD. IT’S JUST KANYE. AND I DON’T CARE HOW EGOTISTICAL HE IS. I LOVE HIM. PLUS HE GLOWED IN THE DARK LAST NIGHT. ALWAYS A BONUS.



MY FAVORITE MOMENT AND DEFINITELY THE SADDEST PART OF LAST NIGHT WAS WHEN HE SANG TO HIS MOM. I KNEW HE MIGHT, BUT IT MADE ME ALMOST HYSTERICAL.



I ALSO LOVED CARRIE UNDERWOODS PERFORMANCE AS WELL AS JOSH GROBAN & ANDREA BOCELLI’S.

OH, BEST LINE OF THE NIGHT EASILY GOES TO VINCE GILL. WHO KNEW HE WAS SUCH A COMEDIAN!!



"I just got an award given to me by a Beatle. Have you had that happen yet, Kanye?"

OH AND THE BIG TIME FINAL GRAMMY WAS GIVEN TO HERBIE HANCOCK??? HOW BOUT THAT HERBIE HANCOCK, HUH?? GOOD FOR HIM!! ANYONE ELSE NOTICE THAT HE HASN’T REALLY AGED AT ALL SINCE THE 80’S?? WHEN THEY ANNOUNCED HIS NAME HE LOOKED SO GENUINELY STUNNED :-)

AMY WINEHOUSE WASN’T BAD EITHER. I DIDN’T THINK SHE DESERVED ALL OF THE AWARDS SHE GOT, BUT I WAS REALLY HAPPY FOR HER WHEN THEY SHOWED HOW SHOCKED SHE WAS WHEN SHE WON HER LAST AWARD.

AND WITH THAT I WOULD LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS BLOG TO MY BLAKE INCARCERATED…