SNOOZE-FEST 2008

ARE THE OSCARS STILL ON?? BECAUSE I AM PRETTY SURE YOU COULD STILL FLIP BACK TO ABC AND THEY WOULD STILL BE AIRING LIVE. WHAT A LONG AND TOTALLY BLAND NIGHT!

THE OSCARS SUCKED.

EXCEPT JON STEWART. HE WAS FABULOUS! THE FASHION WAS COMPLETELY BORING. MORE BORING THAN I MIGHT HAVE EVER SEEN AT ANY OSCAR AWARDS SHOW. AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I HAVE WATCHED THEM ALL.

FRIENDS I PRESENT TO YOU THE VERY BEST DRESSED FEMALE:



KATHERINE HEIGL. I ACTUALLY SAID "THANK GOD" OUT LOUD WHEN I SAW HER BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE LOOKED SO BLAH.

AND THE WORST DRESSED FEMALE.



THE WIFE OF DANIEL DAY-LEWIS. SERIOUSLY, SHE KNEW HE WAS GOING TO WIN AND THAT SHE WOULD BE ON CAMERA. IF SHE WAS TRYING TO MAKE A STATEMENT SHE DID. IT READS "I HAVE NO STYLIST AND WAS ON DRUGS WHEN I DECIDED THIS WAS MY OSCARS DRESS."

AND BY THE WAY, HER HUBBY LOOKS AWFUL AS WELL. WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE...

BEST DRESSED MALE. TOUGH CATEGORY FOLKS. I REALIZE THEY ARE ALL BASICALLY WEARING TUXEDO'S BUT YOU GOTTA ADMIT THAT SOME JUST PULL THIS OFF BETTER THAN OTHERS. AND HONESTLY, BESIDES KATHERINE HEIGL, THE GUYS FAR OUTSHONE THE WOMEN LAST NIGHT.

CLOONEY. LIKE I WASN'T GOING TO PICK HIM?? LOOK AT HIM!!



McDREAMY. HE LIVED UP TO HIS TITLE AND THEN SOME.



I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ADD THAT McDREAMY'S WIFE MADE MY BEST DRESSED LIST. SHE LOOKS AWESOME AND I ADORE THE COLOR OF HER DRESS. IT WAS THE KIND OF DRESS I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE MORE OF LAST NIGHT.



NOW FOR THE IN-BETWEENS.

THE REMAINDER OF MY BEST DRESSED LIST:

CAMERON DIAZ



SHE CAN PULL ANYTHING OFF. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

JENNIFER GARNER



SHE'S STUNNING. I LOVE THE WHOLE LOOK. ONLY THING MISSING WAS BEN, AND WE ALL KNOW HE WAS BUSY F***ING JIMMY KIMMEL.

JASON BATEMAN



TEEN WOLF LIVES ON IN STYLE BABY!!!

FORREST WHITAKER AND WIFE



WOW. THEY ARE VERY, VERY CLASSY COUPLE!

CASEY AFFLECK



THOUGHT HE LOOKED GREAT!! MANY MAY DISAGREE BUT THOSE AFFLECK'S ARE HOT!!

PENELOPE CRUZ



I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT HER CLAIM TO FAME IS HER BEAUTY, AS HER ACTING REALLY SUCKS. SHE PROVED ME RIGHT LAST NIGHT.

AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE ARE THE WTF'S...

RYAN SEACREST



I COULDN'T FIND A PICTURE, SO I THOUGHT I WOULD JUST INCORPORATE SEACREST'S TERRIBLE FASHION CHOICE WITH MY FAVORITE OSCAR MOMENT OF THE NIGHT. THE GARY BUSEY ATTACK. GOD LOVE JENNIFER GARNER. SHE LOOKS TERRIFIED.

MARION COTILLARD



I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS WOMAN IS OR HOW THE HELL YOU PRONOUNCE THE NAME OF HER MOVIE. I ALSO HAVE NO IDEA HOW SHE WON THE OSCAR BUT SHE LOOKED SO HAPPY WHEN SHE DID. IT WAS THE ONLY NICE MOMENT OF THE NIGHT FOR HER THOUGH, AS SHE HAD TO IMMEDIATELY LEAVE THE CEREMONY AFTERWARDS TO GET UP EARLY TODAY AND FILM "SPLASH II".

TILDA WHO CARES WHAT HER LAST NAME IS SHE SCARES ME...



I MEAN SERIOUSLY. SHE SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

CATE BLANCHETT



CATE HONEY. YOU ARE 0 FOR 2 SO FAR AND THERE ARE NO MORE AWARD SHOWS LEFT. GUESS YOU BETTER GET BACK TO FILMING ANOTHER MOVIE ABOUT ELIZABETH TO ENSURE YOUR SEAT AT NEXT YEARS OSCARS. BECAUSE REALLY... WHO CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THOSE ELIZABETH MOVIES??!!

CLOONEYS DATE



THIS GIRL HAS HIT THE FREAKING JACKPOT. SHE'S WITH CLOONEY. NOBODY KNOWS WHY. AND THIS IS WHAT SHE WEARS TO THE OSCARS?? HER EASTER DRESS?? G.A.G.

HELEN MIRREN



I'M SORRY YOUR HIENESS BUT THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS OUTFIT. OFF WITH HER HEAD!

JENNIFER HUDSON



SO J HUD CLEARLY HAS NO IDEA HOW TO DO THE OSCARS. THIS ISN'T AS BAD AS LAST YEARS BUT IT'S CLOSE. I CRINGED WHEN I SAW IT. SERIOUSLY.

OTHER NOTABLES:

HEIDI KLUM IS FABULOUS BY DAY



AND REDRACULA BY NIGHT



MILEY CYRUS



1. WHY WAS SHE AT THE OSCARS AGAIN??
2. DID I MISS THE PICS OF HER 40TH BIRTHDAY PARTY IN US WEEKLY??

KERI RUSSELL



EITHER WEAR YOUR FELICITY HAIR DOWN OR WEAR A DRESS THAT DOESN'T MATCH YOUR SKIN. AND FOR GOD SAKES KERI, STAND UP STRAIGHT.

VIGGO MOUNTAIN MAN MORTENSON



DUDE. SHAVE. IT'S THE DAMN OSCARS.

KRISTEN CHENOWITH



IS THERE ANYONE CUTER THAN HER IN THE WHOLE WORLD?? SO WHY GOD WHY MUST SHE WEAR A DRESS THAT MAKES HER MIDSECTION LOOK BIGGER THAN THAN HER ENTIRE BEING??

TRAVOLTA/PRESTON



THE SCIENTOLOGISTS MADE THEM DO THIS. YUCK.

WHILE WE ARE ON THE TOPIC OF THE OSCARS I FEEL IT NECESSARY TO SHOW YOU MY FAVORITE OSCAR DRESS OF ALL TIME. NOTHING WILL EVER BEAT IT. PLUS IT'S WORN BY MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE CELEBRITY.




SERIOUSLY. SHE SHOULD TEACH A CLASS IN THIS SHIT.

SORRY MY OSCAR COMMENTARY IS NOT AS FUNNY AS MY GRAMMY OR SAG AWARDS COMMENTARY BUT IF YOU ACTUALLY WATCHED THIS EVENT LAST NIGHT, YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY I'M JUST NOT FEELIN' IT THIS YEAR...

IN OTHER NEWS THERE IS A SMALL POSSIBILITY I AM IN LOVE WITH ALEX FROM BIG BROTHER 9...



XOXO,
BAXTER

PS- ANGELINA JOLIE IS SINGLE-HANDEDLY REPOPULATING THE EARTH...