D-DAY

SO, YES YOU SAW THE TIME CORRECTLY. IT IS INDEED 2:47am AND I AM STILL WIDE AWAKE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PRIMARY RESULTS, OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER. I HAVE BARELY WATCHED ANYTHING TONIGHT, EXCEPT FOR AMERICAN IDOL'S FABULOUS JASON CASTRO TAKING ON JEFF BUCKLEY'S "HALLELUJAH". THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS EVER AND I LOVED HIS TAKE ON IT.

SO TODAY IS D-DAY. DADDY GOES TO THE DOCTOR AT 11:45 AND WAS TOLD THAT HE WOULD BE THERE UNTIL ABOUT 3. I DON'T TAKE THAT AS A GOOD SIGN, BUT MAYBE THAT'S ME HOPING FOR THE BEST WHILE PREPARING FOR THE WORST.

MY NERVES HAVE OFFICIALLY GONE MAD AT THIS POINT. ETHAN IS ON SPRING BREAK FROM SCHOOL SO I AM GOING TO MY PARENTS TO BABYSIT WHILE THEY ARE AT THE DOCTOR. THAT MEANS I WILL SEE THEM RIGHT WHEN THEY GET HOME. THIS ALSO MEANS THAT THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO SUGARCOAT THE TRUTH BECAUSE IT WILL BLATANTLY BE ALL OVER THEIR FACES.

AND GOD WILLING THEY WILL BE SMILING.

PLEASE SEND A LITTLE PRAYER OUT FOR PAPA BEAR IF YOU GET THE CHANCE TO THIS MORNING. I WILL BLOG ABOUT HIS RESULTS OF COURSE, BUT IF THEY ARE NOT WHAT WE ARE HOPING FOR PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT IT MIGHT BE SEVERAL DAYS BEFORE I BLOG AGAIN.

GOSH, I HAVE LEARNED THAT NO MATTER HOW POSITIVE AND SURE OF A SITUATION THAT YOU ARE IT FEELS LIKE THE RUG JUST GETS PULLED OUT FROM UNDERNEATH YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN. AND THEN WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE AFTERMATH??

THIS IS REALLY HARD. I ONLY HOPE TODAY MAKES IT A LOT EASIER. BUT AT LEAST WE WILL KNOW. THE WORST PART OF THIS SO FAR IS A WEEK AND A HALF OF NOT KNOWING.

IT FEELS SO WEIRD BLOGGING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW KNOWING THAT THIS WILL BE MY LAST ENTRY BEFORE WE GET THE NEWS. I'VE BEEN DOING THAT ALL DAY. "THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL LEAVE WORK WITHOUT KNOWING, THIS IS MY LAST STARBUCKS RUN, THIS IS THE LAST TIME I WILL WRITE MY RENT CHECK..." AND I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SO WEIRD ABOUT THAT. BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT.

THESE ARE ALL "THE LAST TIMES" BEFORE I KNOW IF MY DADDY WILL LIVE OR DIE.

I HAVE HONESTLY NEVER BEEN SO TERRIFIED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

PLEASE KEEP HIM IN YOUR PRAYERS AND OUR FAMILY IN YOUR THOUGHTS.

MUCH LOVE TO YOU ALL,

ALYSON

PS- IN SIGNIFICANTLY FABULOUS AND LIGHT YEARS AWAY FROM THIS SITUATION NEWS, I WANTED TO SEND AN OFFICIAL CONGRATS TO MY DARLING NICOLE AND WAYNE ON THEIR NEWEST ADDITION THIS PAST MONDAY! LOVE YOU GUYS!! XOXO